


Perfect Isn't Possible

by zouissexcam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 07:55:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zouissexcam/pseuds/zouissexcam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn was broken, he had been broken for years and when he meets Niall at the rehab center he’s immediately attracted to the Irish lad. The only problem is, Niall’s perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect Isn't Possible

There was a time when Zayn could go a full day without drinking. A point in his life when he didn’t feel the need to drown himself in vodka in order to cope with his feelings. It became increasingly harder for him to remember that he had been happy once, happier than he had ever believed possible. Of course he didn’t want to remember, that’s why he drank.  
  
He wanted to forget about her.  
  
He wanted to wipe away any mental image of her that still floated around his brain. The scent of her that he could still smell when he walked into the room they had once shared together. He tried to ignore the small scars still lingering on his fingers from when he had burned all of their pictures together after she had left him.  
  
The memory was one that never went away, no matter how drunk he got, and it was getting harder for him to get intoxicated by the day. He could never drink enough alcohol to forget how much he had spent on an engagement ring, how excited he was to propose to her and how confused he had been to see that car in their driveway.  
  
The pain he had felt when he walked into their home and saw two pairs of shirts on the floor would hit him unexpectedly at random times. The sounds of moans and the sight of her pressed against a stranger would haunt his dreams almost as much as the callous shrug she had given him as he yelled at her that evening. The words that had left her mouth as if they didn’t mean anything.  
  
“Whatever. I was going to break up with you anyways.”  
  
It was simple for her. Just a few words spoken in the most uninterested manner had ripped Zayn’s heart out and left him broken. Left him so low that he didn’t care that alcohol ruined what little joys he still had in life.  
  
Five years. She had destroyed him five years ago when he was nineteen and now that he was twenty-four the money he made from working minimum wage at a Tescos went straight to buy more alcohol. Another chance to try and forget, it never worked. Zayn knew that it was just a matter of time until he wasted away.  
  
His friends knew it too and when Louis and Liam came over to his apartment, noses wrinkling slightly at the smell of the lingering bottles they found Zayn lying on the couch, just about to open a bottle of vodka before Louis tugged it from his grip.  
  
“Mate, it’s been five years,” Louis told him, “You have to snap out of it.”  
Zayn didn’t answer, this had become routine for the three of them. Louis and Liam would come to his apartment about once a week to try and talk sense into him. He didn’t realize they were more serious this time around until Liam pulled out a brochure and handed it to him.  
  
“We signed you up for rehab, Zayn.” Liam said, “You need help.”  
  
Zayn sighed, they were right and he knew it.  
  
“She’s gone, don’t let her ruin your life when she’s not even here,” Louis said.  
  
Zayn glanced at the brochure, the place didn’t look awful. If he didn’t like it he could sneak out and Louis and Liam looked like they weren’t going to leave him alone until he said he would go.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
The relief was clear on the two lads faces and as they helped Zayn pack his belongings. The atmosphere that was normally tense whenever the three friends were in Zayn’s apartment was lighter than it had been since Liam had first found Zayn passed out on the floor surrounded by empty alcohol bottles.  
  
Since that first day it was as if Louis and Liam changed along with Zayn. It had become rare to hear Louis’ light giggle when they were all together, even more rare for Liam to make a joke anymore. That’s why Zayn agreed to go, not for himself. He couldn’t care less about himself anymore. He had spent five years wallowing in self-pity and the fact that Louis and Liam still tried to help him made Zayn feel like the most self-centered prick in the world. Louis and Liam deserved to not have to worry about him anymore.  
  
If rehab didn’t work, he’d go away and they wouldn’t need to see him again. It was simple, easy to break people’s hearts. Liam and Louis could handle it, as far as Zayn was concerned they should’ve left him for dead years ago.  
  
She had.  
  
And that’s why Zayn couldn’t really bring himself to care anymore.  
…  
The car ride to the rehab center was two hours long, two hours where Zayn’s fingers twitched for a bottle. Two hours where Liam would look at him, concern plain in his brown eyes. Zayn kept his own eyes fixed on the road, looking for the center where they would try and make him stop drinking.  
  
His two friends dropped him off and drove away an hour later, leaving Zayn to be led down a large hall and into his new bedroom. He dropped onto the bed thinking that he could be stuck in worse places. The rehab center was actually very nice.  
…  
It was a week later when Zayn first saw him. He was walking around the gardens, bored out of his mind and desperate for some vodka. All they wanted to do here was talk about his damn feelings and the girl who had broke his heart.   
  
She was why he drank. Zayn knew that and talking about her didn’t help him at all. It made him want a drink even more, and he didn’t know how to find some alcohol in the blasted place.  
  
He was mentally cursing himself for not smuggling some in his bag when he had noticed two boys sitting on a bench. One with curly brown hair that Zayn had seen around the center, the other with blond hair and blue eyes that Zayn was positive he would recognize if he had ever met the lad before.  
  
He stopped in his tracks, unsure how to proceed. The choice was taken out of his hands when the curly haired lad looked in his direction, murmuring something to his friend. The blond boy looked up and met his gaze before breaking into a welcoming grin.  
  
He stood and moved over to Zayn, holding out a hand, “My name’s Niall. You must be new, I haven’t seen you around before.”  
  
The words, laced with an Irish accent made Zayn’s mouth go dry but he managed a safe reply, “Zayn, it’s my first week.”  
  
Niall nodded, motioning towards the boy he had been talking to , “I come about once a week to visit Harry. Have you guys met?”  
  
Zayn’s head shake had Niall leading him to the bench so that Zayn could meet Harry. In his first week Zayn had learned a lot about the center and the short sleeves Harry was wearing as well as the multitude of bracelets revealed to Zayn immediately that the green haired lad had landed himself in the center for self-harming.   
  
The blush that tinged Harry’s cheeks showed that Zayn wasn’t doing a good job of keeping his thoughts to himself.  
  
“So you know why I’m here, what’s with you?” Harry’s bold comment made Zayn raise his eyebrows.  
  
He replied with a shrug, “Drinking. My best mates drove me down here last week.”  
  
“How long?”  
  
Zayn hesitated slightly before saying, “Five years.”  
  
Harry nodded thoughtfully but Zayn wasn’t worried about Harry’s approval. It was the blond lad standing right next to him that worried him. Zayn wasn’t concerned with the fact that he was definitely attracted to Niall. He had never been straight and after his last relationship Zayn didn’t know if he was ever going to be attracted to a girl again.  
  
It was the fact that Niall was too good for him. His blond hair offsetting his brilliant blue eyes in a way that was almost unfair for anyone who was trying not to fall in love. The type of guy who took time out of his week to visit a friend struggling to rehabilitate would not settle for a guy who had tried to drink his life away for five years.  
  
“First week is rough, so I’ve heard,” Niall was talking now and Zayn pulled himself out of his thoughts, meeting the friendly gaze, “Hard to make friends here, Harry and I were going to eat at the restaurant, care to join us?”  
  
“Sure.” What did he have to lose?  
…  
The meal was pleasant as Zayn quickly learned that Harry wasn’t as shy as he first gave off. The cheeky grins he threw their waitress and the wicked fast comments he would throw out mocking various people in the area kept a smile on Zayn’s face during the whole meal. He could see Harry getting along well with Liam and Louis.  
  
When it came to Niall, however, Zayn felt hopeless. He had tried to learn more about the Irish lad, asking simple questions.  
  
“So, Niall. What do you do?” He asked, silently praying the boy wasn’t a fucking priest.  
  
Niall grinned, “I’m actually a therapist, I do musical therapy. It’s a good paycheck so I get a lot of time off to do volunteer work and stuff.”  
  
Not a priest, but close enough.  
  
As the meal went on Zayn liked Harry more and more and Niall became closer and closer to perfect. And that evening when Niall got in his car to drive to his home Zayn was resigned to the fact that the Irish lad was completely out of his league.  
  
“He’s not perfect, you know.”  
  
The slightly gravelly voice shook Zayn out of his thoughts and he looked a question at Harry who had his hands stuffed in his pockets, “What?”  
  
“Niall. He’s not perfect.” He gave a wry smile, “I know it looks like he is, believe me I used to think he was too. But everyone has their flaws, the people who can cover theirs up don’t end up like you and me.”  
  
“Why are you telling me this?”  
  
Harry smirked, “Because you’re obvious. Come on, we should go inside before they send out a search party for us.”  
…  
Over the next week Harry became Zayn’s only friend at the center and aside from their personal counseling sessions they were nearly inseparable. When Harry was with him, making jokes at the expense of the girls whose eyes followed the two around, Zayn almost forgot about her.  
  
Well, nearly.   
  
But he didn’t feel like drinking himself into oblivion on a daily basis. The urge only came to him every other day. For two weeks at the center Zayn figured it was pretty good. So when Harry asked if he minded sharing his story Zayn shrugged, he might as well.  
  
It was exactly seven days after their first meeting when Harry and Zayn sat on a bench in the gardens, staring at the small pond across from them as Zayn began his tale.  
  
He had met Perrie Edwards when he was fourteen and had liked her from the first glance. She was beautiful, funny, determined and friendly. Two years later Zayn finally plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date only to have her turn him down, stating that she just liked him as a friend. Zayn had been disappointed but he tried to move on. He started playing sports, got a new haircut and went on dates with other girls. A year later, Perrie was asking him out, her eyelashes fluttering slightly as she gave him a sly smile. Zayn hadn’t hesitated before accepting.  
  
He had ignored Louis frown when he had told his friend the news, rolled his eyes at Liam’s accusation that Perrie only liked him now because everyone else did. He wanted to date her, and they weren’t going to stop him.   
  
Two years.  
  
They were in a relationship for two years. She moved in with him right after their first anniversary. Zayn chose not to go to college so that he could stay with Perrie. He had hoped to be with her for the rest of his life until that night, on their second anniversary, when she had dumped him. After some investigating Zayn learned that it wasn’t the first time Perrie had cheated on him, it was a usual occurrence for her, had been for six months.  
  
That revelation had been the final push. Before Zayn had been standing right on the brink and that final fact was what drove him to spend the entirety of his next paycheck on beers. Soon a pack of beers wouldn’t even give him a slight buzz and he turned to the heavier alcohol, getting addicted to vodka. But after five years he had to drink a lot of vodka to get drunk, more than most people could hold down.  
  
“And that’s why Louis and Liam drove me up here,” Zayn finished his tale simply, his voice light, He didn’t feel ashamed about telling Harry. After all, Harry was in the same boat as he was, and it wasn’t really even his fault. It was hers.  
  
Harry nodded slowly as he took in Zayn’s tale, “That’s rough, mate.”  
  
Zayn shrugged, “Yeah. So what’s your story.”  
  
The laugh was hollow, the green eyes turned hard as Harry launched into the story of how he had ended up in rehab. It had begun when he was sixteen, trying to make a career of off his singing talents. After looking awkward during his pre-teen years Harry went through puberty, making him the most sought after lad in his school. With all the girls throwing themselves at his feet it was nearly inevitable that he would be labeled the school slut.  
  
Everywhere Harry went he was greeted with judgemental gazes. There went the man whore who had never even had sex.Of course no one cared to look up the details of the dozens of girls who claimed to have slept with him. No one questioned how Harry could fuck the brunette at the same time he was supposedly going down on the blond across town. No one cared, it was nice to have someone to hate.  
  
Harry was getting tired of being beaten up for sleeping with girls he had never even talked to. Tired of every guy at school assuming that their girlfriend had cheated on them with Harry. So he came out, hoping that people would realize that he had never slept with the girls because he wasn’t attracted to them.  
  
The tears that flowed from the girls who had their hearts set on dating the now gay Harry only made matters worse. Instead of angry boyfriends, angry fathers were now hunting him down. Demanding to know why he had used their baby girls and disposed of them if he knew he was a ‘queer.’   
  
It was too much. Everyone hated him because he was gay, everyone still thought he was a slut. No girl would touch him, no guy would look at him. Harry was alone, spiraling down through depression as his mother tried to  fight with the school’s principal about Harry’s bullies.  
  
The first cut had been shallow, an accident really, but the feeling of control it gave Harry was something that had been sorely missed. So Harry cut again, and again. Not caring that his classmates were going off to college as he ran razor blades across his skin.  
  
Niall moved to Cheshire after graduating Uni and met Harry when he was walking around town. The curly haired boy was sitting in an alley, watching the blood drip from his wrists when Niall had yanked the blade out of his hands. This complete stranger was the first one to notice that Harry needed help and after therapy had failed Niall was the one who had driven Harry up to rehab, his mother still in complete shock over what was happening.  
  
“I’ve been here for three months,” Harry said, “They still won’t let me near anything sharp though. Said something about the level of emotional turmoil I’ve gone through will take an unusually long time to recuperate from.”  
  
Zayn chuckled slightly, “They talk about it like it’s simple.”  
  
Harry nodded, “Well when you’re not the one broken everything probably seems easy to fix. Don’t you think?” Silence followed Harry’s statement before he grinned, “Anyways, Niall’s coming up tomorrow. I assume you probably want to see him.”  
  
“What makes you say that?”  
  
This laugh was genuine, “Don’t insult me, Malik. Come on, I want to beat your ass at a game while the night’s still young.”  
…  
Zayn wasn’t sure what he hated most about Niall, his crooked teeth revealed by a grin or his fucking eyes. The combination of the two when Niall showed up at the center the next day made Zayn hold his breath until Niall glanced away to say hello to Harry.  
  
Maybe if Niall’s laugh wasn’t so infectious Zayn  could walk away from him. Perhaps if the lad words didn’t lilt with his Irish accent Zayn wouldn’t be clinging to every word that left his mouth. It was likely that if Niall wasn’t such a friendly person Zayn would’ve never talked to him in the first place. Then he wouldn’t be completely infatuated with this boy who was too perfect to exist.  Or at the very least, was too perfect for Zayn.   
  
As each week passed Zayn felt the need for alcohol get weaker and weaker, it was probably because each time Harry’s loud friend visited Zayn became more and more intoxicated with those blue eyes.  
  
Harry’s near constant and merciless teasing didn’t help him either.  
…  
Zayn had been at the center for one month when he was told there were visitors to see him. Slightly puzzled he walked to the main building and grinned when he saw Louis and Liam standing there waiting for him.  
  
“It’s great to see you, Zayn.” Louis said, “That stupid no visits during the first month rule was driving me nuts. Is there anyone here you don’t hate?”  
  
“Yeah, his name is Harry. I’ll introduce you guys.”  
  
“How do you feel?” Liam asked quietly.  
  
Zayn gave him a small smile, “Better. Come on, let’s go find Harry.”

Zayn’s instinct had been right when he had figured the three lads would get along well. Within minutes of meeting each other Harry and Louis were exchanging rather crude jokes as Liam and Zayn looked on with amusement while engaging in a conversation of their own.  
  
Halfway through the day Louis wrapped an arm around Zayn’s shoulder, “So, Zayn. What’s this I hear about a certain blond named Niall?”  
  
Zayn glared at Harry who was unsuccessfully trying to hide a smirk, “Nothing.”  
  
“Really? I was told you’re rather smitten.”  
  
“Louis you sound like pretentious douche,” Zayn countered, “No one is smitten with anyone. Unless you count Harry, he’s obviously into you.”  
  
He felt a vindictive rush of pleasure as the smirk was wiped off of Harry’s face, replaced with a slight blush at the words. Louis only laughed, “We’re talking about you, my dear Zayn. Are you going to ask him out?”  
  
Zayn snorted, “Where? I can’t leave the center and I doubt he wants to go to a counseling session with me. Besides, I wasn’t going to do anything. He’s totally out of my league.”  
  
Louis rolled his eyes, “Look, I know that as one of your best friends I shouldn’t say this, but as a gay guy I’m totally comfortable with telling you that you’re freakishly hot. What is this guy, Jesus Christ?”  
  
“Close enough.” Zayn muttered, “He’s like a saint.”  
  
“Does he look like one too?”  
  
Zayn shrugged, nodding toward a door as the familiar face came into view, “You tell me.”  
  
Niall was grinning as he made his way to the group and Louis could only murmur a quick, “Okay, he’s hot.” before Niall reached them.  
  
Introductions went quickly before Niall offered to treat everyone to dinner, only furthering Zayn’s point on how nearly angelic the Irish lad was.  
  
When Louis and Liam prepared to drive home Louis simply told him, “Perfect guys don’t like perfect guys, that’s too much competition. Relax, Zayn.”  
  
They gave him quick hugs before getting in the car and driving away. Harry stood next to Zayn, having said goodbye to Niall earlier. When Zayn turned to Harry with an impish glint in his eye Harry blushed, “Not one word.”  
  
“I don’t need to say anything, though I wasn’t aware you blushed so easily.” Zayn dodged the half-hearted punch Harry threw his way, laughing as he led the other lad inside the center.  
…  
Another month passed and Zayn grew more and more comfortable around Niall. Secure in the knowledge that he never had a chance with the other lad he wasn’t concerned with trying to impress him. He could just be himself.  
  
When Harry mentioned that Niall’s eyes were starting to linger on his lips Zayn rolled his eyes, sure that Harry was just teasing him. He wasn’t an idiot.  
  
At least, he thought he wasn’t until one day when Niall arrived at the center while Harry had just walked into his hour long counseling session. The blond haired boy found Zayn on a computer, surfing the web and asked if he wanted to go on a walk with him.  
  
Zayn said yes. As if he could ever say no to Niall.  
  
They walked around the area, joking about some of the other residents, comparing opinions on football matches and just simply talking. Just two friends spending time like two friends did. As much as it pained Zayn, he was comfortable with that being his relationship with Niall. He liked the fact that he knew where he stood with the other lad.  
  
Zayn thought he knew where he stood with Niall until they found themselves in the shadows of two buildings, staring into each other’s eyes and Zayn had no idea who made the first move but at one point they were simply talking and then the next Niall’s lips were pressed against his. The contact was light, gentle as if Niall was afraid of hurting Zayn any more than he had already been harmed.  
  
That in itself took Zayn’s breath away as he realized he was pressed against the person who was the walking definition of perfection. When Niall pulled back, biting his lower lip with uncertainty Zayn still wasn’t sure what had happened. He blinked a few times, staring at Niall, not quite able to believe that the blond was willing to taint himself with Zayn.  
  
The silence stretched out until Niall couldn’t take it any longer, “Are you going to say something, Zayn?”  
  
“Why?” It was all he could force out of his lips, all he could get himself to ask as he fought back shock.  
  
Niall ran his fingers through his hair, the aggravation clear on his face as Zayn thought about how beautiful he looked when he was upset, “Because you’ve been driving me crazy. Ever since we first met and you’re always staring at me with your eyes. I don’t even think you realize how intense your gaze is Zayn and I just couldn’t take it any more. I really like you.” He hesitated before adding, “I thought you liked me too.”  
  
Zayn shrugged, “I do, it’s just. You’re too good for me Niall.”  
  
Niall shook his head, “No, I’m not. I’m just as flawed as you are Zayn. I’m just better at hiding it.”  
  
“You’re not the one locked in rehab,” Zayn pointed out.  
  
Niall rolled his eyes and pressed his lips against Zayn’s again, silencing any further protest the lad was planning to make. Zayn smiled into the kiss and for the first time in five years, she was completely gone from his mind.  
…  
“He kissed me.”  
  
Harry glanced up from his book, “I’m going to need more words than that if you want me to understand what the hell you’re talking about.”  
  
“Niall kissed me, while you were in counseling.”  
  
The book was closed as Harry sat up, his eyes fixed on Zayn’s, “And you wait until he’s gone to tell me? Now I have an entire week before I can make fun of him about it, great going, mate.”  
  
“Not the point, Harry. Why did he do it?”  
  
Harry snorted, “Probably because he thinks you’re hot and funny and really kind. God, when you weren’t around he would go on and on about you, it was sickening. Glad he finally plucked up the balls to do something about it. Heaven knows you weren’t going to.”  
  
Zayn felt his cheeks go red, “He really talked about me like that?”  
  
“Yeah, but don’t think you can start doing it now. I don’t want to hear anymore about it. You’re going to be unbearable together now anyways.” Harry shook his head, “Finally. Took you two long enough.”  
  
Zayn frowned, “So when are you going to talk to Louis then?”  
  
It was Harry’s turn to blush and he threw his book at Zayn, who easily caught it, “Shut up.”  
…  
Niall visited the center at least twice a week now. Once so he could hang out with both Zayn and Harry and at least once so he could be with Zayn. It was odd for Zayn to see Niall become flustered around him, for the Irish lad to trip over his words was still a spectacle for him.  
  
Regardless of what Niall said, he was perfect. Perfection didn’t get embarrassed around someone as ruined as Zayn was. Nevertheless it was the highlight of his week to spend the day alone with Niall, no matter how they spent the day.  
  
Sometimes they would just walk around, chatting. Other times they would hide out in Zayn’s room watching t.v. Zayn didn’t care what they were doing as long as he got to be around Niall. It was amazing how attached he could get to the blond haired boy in such a short amount of time.  
  
He wanted to get out of the center so he could spend more time with Niall.  
  
That’s exactly what he did. The doctors attributed it to his close friendship with Harry. When they announced that both boys were stable enough to leave the center there was a party, no one had ever been rehabilitated as quickly as Zayn had. When Liam drove up to pick up the two friends he couldn’t keep the grin off of his face at the fact that his friend was better. It really hadn’t taken the rehab, just the right person.  
…  
It was six months after Zayn left the center before he had the urge to drink himself senseless again. Six months of living a life that seemed too good to be his. He had moved to Cheshire and at Niall’s insistence, roomed with his new boyfriend. He had gotten a job at a restaurant as he took night classes so he could go to college the next year when she had walked in, with an engagement ring on her left hand.  
  
It wasn’t the ring that bothered him, or really her presence. It was the fact that when he moved to take her order she had blinked up with him wearing a slight frown, “Sorry, but have we met before? You look familiar.”  
  
He shook his head, taking her order quickly before moving to the back room, letting his head rest on a wall as he leaned against it. She had nearly destroyed him and she didn’t even remember his existence.   
  
When Zayn left work that night he stopped by the liquor store, his hands closing around a bottle that he had always tended towards when he would drink all the time. He bought the vodka and walked to the flat he shared with Niall.  
  
He settled into the couch and opened the bottle, raising it to his lips when he noticed the banner in the hallway.  
  
 _Congratulations on six months! Halfway through the year!_  
  
Zayn stared at the banner, the words carefully written in Niall’s handwriting and the pang of pain he had felt since Perrie’s question evaporated into a pang of guilt. He couldn’t return to being selfish, not when he had a boyfriend that cared so much for him. Zayn knew it would hurt Niall more than it would hurt himself if he slipped back into alcoholism and his counselor had made it clear that one drink was all it would take.  
  
Zayn closed his eyes for a few minutes before standing, walking determinedly to the trash can when a voice stopped him.  
  
“Zayn?”  
  
He winced and turned to see Niall standing in the middle of the hallway, a cake in his hands, his eyes fixed on the bottle in Zayn’s grasp.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
“It’s not what it looks like Niall, I was just going to throw it out before-”  
  
“Before what?” Niall cut across him, “Before I could see? Damn it, Zayn! You made it six months.”  
  
“Niall, wait-”  
  
He didn’t get to finish his sentence before Niall let the cake drop from his hands. He closed the distance between them in quick strides, yanking the bottle from his hands, “I don’t know why I thought you cared enough about this relationship working out that you’d actually stop drinking!” Niall’s face was quickly turning red as his voice got louder and louder, “I thought you realized how fucking selfish it is for you to be drinking all the damn time!”  
  
“Niall, would you just listen to me?”  
  
“I have listened to you, Zayn. I’m always here for you when you felt like you needed a drink and I’d sit here and let you pour your thoughts out because I care about you and I don’t want to lose you.” He crossed to the sink, pouring the vodka down the drain, “But that was obviously idiotic of me since you can’t even stop and think about me before you go and drink your fucking life away.”   
  
Zayn’s eyes were wide in shock as Niall yelled at him. He had never seen the other boy angry and it was frightening him. When the bottle left Niall’s hands and shattered at Zayn’s feet he finally remembered what Harry had told him that first day, that Niall wasn’t perfect.  
  
“Niall, please stop yelling at me.”  
  
“Get the fuck out!”  
  
Time froze for Zayn as the words left Niall’s mouth. He stumbled backwards, staring at the blond lad as if he had grown a second head. As the tear pushed its way to the surface and slide down Zayn’s cheeks Niall stopped talking, his eyes widening in horror as he realized what he had said.

“Oh my god, Zayn. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that.” Niall reached out towards Zayn but the other lad backed away, running into the wall.  
  
The jolt woke him out of his daze and he rushed to his room, blindly throwing things into a bag as he blinked away tears. This was all his fault. Niall was perfection until Zayn had tainted him. He had to get away, he couldn’t ruin Niall, couldn’t bring him down to his level.  
  
He finished packing a bag and ran out the flat, deaf to Niall’s cries, begging him to come back, to forgive him. Zayn ran down the street until he physically couldn’t run anymore and collapsed on a sidewalk, staring around looking for a familiar landmark. It was no good, he was lost.  
  
“Hey, man. Are you alright?” The voice came from a scruffy guy who looked to be in his late thirties. Zayn shook his head and the man shrugged, “No one really is. You look like you could use a drink though. Follow me.”  
  
Zayn’s feet moved without him telling them two and he followed the man into a bar, putting a ten pound note on the counter and ordering whatever would get him drunk the quickest.  
  
When the drink came Zayn lifted it to his lips without a thought, letting the hard liquor slide down his throat. He coughed a few times, obviously no longer used to the sting. He didn’t mind, it probably meant he could get drunk faster.  
  
Zayn sat at the counter chugging down drink after drink until his wallet was empty and he was seeing in doubles. He grinned, he hadn’t forgotten Niall, or Perrie for that matter, but he was so wasted he didn’t care. He wanted to get laid.  
  
He stumbled out of the bar, calling out a badly slurred thank you to the bar tender. Stopping once he was outside, trying to pick what direction to start walking in. It would’ve been easier to chose if he could stop swaying and if the world would stop spinning for one damn second.  
  
“Zayn!” The name spoken with the familiar lilt came from his left, or was it behind him?  
  
“Leave me alone, Niall,” The words ran together, “I don’t need you.”  
  
“Shit,” Niall murmured, “How much did you drink, Zayn?”  
  
“Don’t worry about it.” Zayn replied, taking a step away from Niall. His foot didn’t connect with the ground before everything went dark and he fell towards the concrete.  
  
Niall caught him before his head hit the ground, screaming for someone to call an ambulance.  
…  
Zayn opened his eyes, everything was a white blur and someone was holding his limbs down, he couldn’t move.

He blinked once and he say the sky, covered completely by white clouds except for two small specks. Nothing was on his limbs, they just felt heavy.  
  
One more blink and he realized the sky was Niall’s eyes, staring down at him as he lay in a hospital bed. And, why the hell was he in a hospital?  
  
“Zayn, thank god you woke up.” Niall said, “You’ve been unconscious for two days. Everyone was so worried.” He hesitated, then asked, “Do you remember anything?”  
  
Zayn frowned, casting about his mind for why he was in the hospital. Then he remembered the shattered vodka bottle and rapidly blinked tears from his eyes. Niall shrunk back at the reaction, hanging his head with shame.  
  
“It’s all my fault. I should’ve warned you forever ago that I have temper issues. I thought I could handle them until you were stable enough to worry about them, but I just saw the bottle and I didn’t want to lose you to alcohol and I just lost control. I’m so sorry, Zayn.” The tears pooling in Niall’s eyes made the blue even brighter and Zayn felt a tug on his heartstrings.  
  
“I was going to drink the vodka, and then I saw your banner. I was going to throw it away when you came in.” Zayn said softly.  
  
“And now you’re here because of me.” Niall said, angrily wiping the tears from his face, “I can’t even tell you how  sorry I am, Zayn. I wish I could do it over again.”  
  
Zayn smiled softly at the words. The amount of times he had thought that over the course of his life was innumerable. Zayn had fallen in love with how different Niall’s live was from his, how whole the Irish lad was. Seeing him at his hospital bedside nearly as broken as Zayn made him love Niall even more, just when he thought it wasn’t possible.  
  
“Niall, I forgive you.”  
  
Niall stared at him in silence, his eyes still bright from his tears, “Really?”  
  
Zayn nodded, “Who am I to judge anyone? We’ll help each other deal with our problems. I stopped drinking because of you, I’m not about to let you go. Not without a fight.”  
  
Niall leaned over and kissed Zayn, his hand cradling the raven-haired boy’s head as their lips molded together. They had kissed hundreds of times but this kiss was different.  
  
It was a promise.  
  
Zayn wasn’t going to drink himself into oblivion.  
  
Niall wouldn’t let his temper drive away his first love.  
  
They knew they would make mistakes, that eventually one of them would crack. But that’s what the promise signified, they wouldn’t let go of each other, and they wouldn’t stop trying.  
  
After all, perfect isn’t possible.


End file.
